English+Language

English is a widely spoken language and so it has often been referred to as a "world language", the lingua franca of the modern era. It is the dominant international language in communications, science, business, aviation, entertainment, radio and diplomacy. While English is not an official language in most countries, it is currently the language most often taught as a second language around the world.Over two billion people speak English to at least a basic level as basic working knowledge of English has become a requirement in a number of fields and profession = = =__Brilliant Puns:__ = 1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient. 2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion. 3. A man running in front of a car, gets tyred;  And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted. 4. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left. 5. A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there.

6. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger wood!

"Stewardesses"

is the longest word typed with only the left hand

And "lollipop"

is the longest word typed with your right hand.

(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

(Are you doubting this?) Our eyes are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears

never stop growing. The sentence:

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

uses every letter of the alphabet.

(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right? The words 'racecar,''kayak'

and 'level'

are the same whether they are read

left to right or right to left (palindromes).

(Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.) There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

(You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

(Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u) TYPEWRITER is the longest word

that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

(All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years.

(I know some people that could do this too.!) Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people who are like that also)

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

(Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

(No comments) Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Bonus!! All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the Elephants!!

=__Vocabulary tips__= How to avoid the word "very" Source: NCB Foundation

__**Even WHEN INSULTS HAD SOME CLASS !!**__

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill;" I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel John

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho

=__Did I read that sign right? __=

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">In an office:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">In an office:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Outside a secondhand shop:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Notice in health food shop window:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Spotted in a safari park:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Seen during a conference:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Notice in a farmer's field:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">On a repair shop door:

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

<span style="background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);">Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling. = = = = =__The Chaos__= by G. Nolst Trenite' a.k.a. "Charivarius" 1870 - 1946 Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse

I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,

Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, beard and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,

Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery:

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.

Exiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing.

Thames, examining, combining

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war, and far.

From "desire": desirable--admirable from "admire."

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier.

Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.

Knowledge, done, but gone and tone,

One, anemone. Balmoral.

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,

Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.

Scene, Melpomene, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,

Reading, reading, heathen, heather.

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,

Which is said to rime with "darky."

Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's O.K.,

When you say correctly: croquet.

Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive, and live,

Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven,

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover,

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police, and lice.

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label,

Petal, penal, and canal,

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.

Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,

Rime with "shirk it" and "beyond it."

But it is not hard to tell,

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,

Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous, clamour

And enamour rime with hammer.

Pussy, hussy, and possess,

Desert, but dessert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.

Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rime with anger.

Neither does devour with clangour.

Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.

Font, front, won't, want, grand, and grant.

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.

And then: singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.

Query does not rime with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;

Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.

Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual.

Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;

Put, nut; granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rime with deafer,

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,

Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific,

Tour, but our and succour, four,

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria,

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.

Say aver, but ever, fever.

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

Never guess--it is not safe:

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.

Heron, granary, canary,

Crevice and device, and eyrie,

Face but preface, but efface,

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,

Ear but earn, and wear and bear

Do not rime with here, but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,

Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation--think of psyche--!

Is a paling, stout and spikey,

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing "groats" and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel,

Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict, and indict!

Don't you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally: which rimes with "enough"

Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?

Hiccough has the sound of "cup."

My advice is--give it up!

Jamila Lyiscott redefines what it means to be "articulate" media type="custom" key="26351228"

England France

earth

__**TONGUE TWISTERS**__

1. If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?" 9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE, BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

Jay Walker explains why two billion people around the world are trying to learn English. He shares photos and spine-tingling audio of Chinese students rehearsing English -- "the world's second language" -- by the thousands.

Watch this video by Jay Walker on the world's English mania. You can add your comments in the discussion tab after viewing. media type="custom" key="3997249" =__**The Top 60 websites - for teaching/learning English.**__= media type="custom" key="10795806" <span style="display: block; height: 1px; left: 0px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; top: 6132.5px; width: 1px;"><span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica,arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">Vocabulary tips How to avoid the word "very" Source: NCB Foundation <span style="display: block; height: 1px; left: 0px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; top: 6412px; width: 1px;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue','Segoe UI',Helvetica,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Brilliant Puns: 1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient. 2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion. 3. A man running in front of a car, gets tyred; And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted. 4. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left. 5. A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there. 6. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger wood!